FUCKING MONDAYS, AM I RIGHT?
DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH COFFEE IN THE WORLD TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW. I WAS UP UNTIL 4AM LOOKING AT INTERIOR DESIGN BLOGS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I’M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO PAINT MY APARTMENT.
THE INTERNET IS THE WORST FOR THAT KIND OF THING. ONE TIME I WENT ON WIKIPEDIA TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE DRUMMER FROM DEF LEPPARD’S NAME AND I ACCIDENTALLY GOT A DEGREE IN NEUROBIOLOGY.
TELL ME ABOUT IT. I WAS TRYING TO DOWNLOAD SEABISCUIT AND NOW I’M AN ORDAINED MINISTER.
Yes, tiny baby kitten friend?
I LIKE YOUR GLASSES.
Why thank you.
CAN I HAVE GLASSES TOO?
No, tiny baby kitten friend. You have the eyesight of a compact and furry eagle. Glasses are for people who cannot see so well.
BUT ALL THE KIDS WHO SHOP AT THE URBAN OUTFITTERS DOWN THE STREET CAN SEE JUST FINE AND THEY ALL HAVE HUGE GLASSES.
We don’t associate with those people, tiny baby kitten friend. Nobody should.
CAN I AT LEAST GET A BOW TIE?
Of course. If we could somehow harness the love people have for kittens in bow ties we could solve the energy crisis.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve said the exact phrase “tiny baby kitten friend”.
a series of encyclopedias that have been hand cut by alexander korzer-robinson